SuperExplosions More Explosive than Originally Thoughtcover up, it's going to be a wet spring

For Immediate Release

Addition By Crazy

NEW YORK, NY April 17, 2007 - SuperExplosionGiggleFunTime, the nation's premier coed soccer team, has added a crucial piece to its already mythic roster. Matt, who is, by all accounts, the most intense competitor anyone has ever seen outside of Ancient Greece where men used to actually fight lions in front of other people, has joined our affiliate team The Giggle to play between the pipes. Or between the flimsy aluminum foil cylinders that serves as our goal frames.

Some of you are intimately familiar with him. Others of you just design intimate-wear. And one or two of you are intimately familiar with him wearing intimate-wear. But for those of you who haven't been to wwtdd.com in a while, here's a short profile on our new friend.

His name: Matt.

His occupation: Crazy.

Piercings: Several.

Pants ripped both on the knee and BEHIND the knee: Too many to count.

Sum Total: Gigglocracy.

In the words of Sean Michaels, as spoken to XPac after he found out that XPac repeatedly banged (and enjoyed banging) China:

Suck it!

SExGiFT 4 AND 5 - NY Coed Soccer 1 your ass is so on fire

To recap from 2 weeks ago:

Team Explosion defeated a "bunch of assholes" 3-0. Ain't no thang.

Yesterday:

The SuperExploders added yet another clean sheet to their record as they forced Bloody Mary(s) to suck on even more of Jesus' cock. She sucked it so hard we all thought that Jesus' balls would come flying up through his dickhole and choke her. Fortunately, that didn't happen and Mary is able to go on sucking for another day.

In one of the most complete games SExGiFT has put together, Michelle notched her first goal of the season, becoming the final regular field player to tally their first goal. Well done, Michelle! It's about time!

Ravi made his season debut, brandishing his gigantic brown scimitar of pain (found on Level 6 of the Necropolis by defeating Ulgath in his house outside of Doongsein) and instilling fear deep...deep within the hearts of that bloody bitch. While he didn't find the back of the net with his scimitar, he surely proved that he knows what to do with it. Overheard on the B(owel) M(ovements) sideline at the end of the game, "wow. did you see Ravi today? holy crap i want him inside me.... do you have a towel?" -Keeper McBetweenTheLegsAroundMyBackDownMyAssCrackAndOutMyMouthForMySpecialReverseDigestionThrow

Stellar ball movment, flawless ball control, and top shelf goalkeeping proved to be far too much for the opponent on Sunday. And all indicators point to a similar situation next week as SExGiFT takes on Free Agent Team 5.

FAT5. Good name guys. With all the free time you guys have while you're picking the ball out of the back of the net, maybe you can think of a name for your team.....

Explode.

SExGiFT 3 - NY Coed Soccer 1

Sunday, February 4th saw the SExGiFT soccer team play against some team with a stupid Dutch name. Because their name was so stupid, we here at SExGiFT thought it would be appropriate to defeat them so thoroughly as to effectively end their chances of getting laid in the future. Everyone knows that Dutch people are sort of weird looking anyway - believe me, I've talked to plenty of Germans and Italians about this* - so, to begin with, the fact that we're even talking about how a team with a stupid Dutch name could get laid at all is a little bit ridiculous. But whatever their chances were before playing us, well, they're lower now. Thanks, mostly, to our full-blown awesomeness. Not AIDS. Awesomeness. Mostly.

8-1 was the final. Many people scouring over the box score in the New York Times on Monday might have been led to believe that Dan's 4 goals led the SuperExplosion of GiggleFunTime all over this alien Dutch team. Many people would have been misled. The New York Times failed to articulate that the game was won by our female LLC (which now includes Evan - who played his best game of the season, by far - pulling passes out of his ass that even Zidane would have been proud of). We know that our collective physical beauty eclipses that of every other team combined**, but it's our LLC that really gives us the edge. Have you looked at them recently? They drip with SExGiFT passion! And fuck you up at the same time!

FC Mouthguard is up on next on the schedule. Not to talk shit about them or anything, but I'm pretty sure they're a bunch of assholes. I read about them on wikipedia....




* we all know that Germans and Italians have two of the more attractive populations in Europe....
** in fact, it would take 14 bowls of Castle Numbskull to equal just one bowl of SExGiFT

SExGiFT 2 - NY Coed Soccer 1(blood has been spilled...)

It has taken me a long time, too long, to post about what happened 10 days ago at Baruch College. The events that transpired on Sunday the 21st were both saddening and frightening.
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The SExGiFT soccer team, for those of you who don't already know, is the best team to ever play in the NY Coed Soccer league. Ever (did I say ever yet? Ever.) As is prone to happen to great teams, especially those great teams that have only been playing together for 3 games, we suffered a minor setback in our quest to dominate (in a sexual way) all those who take the field opposite our most blessed team.

Only this setback was no ordinary setback. We were defeated 1-0 by a group of aliens known by their Earthly name as Castle Crapskull. The lone goal was scored just a few minutes into the match by Alien #1, Paul Braff.

We were fortunate to have such a quality keeper in net as he thwarted, yet again, numerous rape attempts on our goal. NY Coed Soccer: our goal is beautiful, yes, and she has deliciously voluptuous breasts that feel wonderful in one's hands; we know this. However, she is not for you, and never will be - not now, not ever. And we defend her honor with the might conferred onto us by the good lord above. We are the Chosen. Yes, we are.

Following the game, we found ourselves in position unfamiliare: the losing end of a vicious battle. Fortunately, others have been in this cauldron of fear before and we draw strength from their experiences. We have seen them taste from the plate of sorrow, drink from the cup of misery, and suckle from the teat of disillusionment. And we have seen them grow more powerful, more dominant, and ever more handsome until their force was known by all.

Most notably, of course, I'm talking about Rocky Balboa. For, you see, children, the name of that film series is not Apollo Creed, is it? No, it's not! Apollo? He died in episode 4 - and you can't name a film series for a LOSER. Who is the film series named after? Rocky. Rocky Balboa. Virtuous, elegant, smashing. Rocky, though he lost his first bout with Apollo, eventually went on to dominate chicks left and right (as Talia Shire and her gaping "2" can attest). He became World Champion. But not before dining at the buffet of the broken.

We, too, have sampled from those sterno-heated platters - and, beware NY Coed Soccer League Winter 2007 Indoor Championship Division: we all have sort of fucked up stomachs and we will SuperExplode that buffet directly into your mouths. Beware.

SExGiFT 2 - NY Coed Soccer 0 (You're My Exercise, Baby!)

Apologies for such a late post on such an important topic.

Last Sunday, the SExGiFT soccer team victimized its second opponent of the season. The White Shins, bad attitudes and all, could do little against the relentless SExGiFT drive for power and dominance. Though the final score was a boring 3-1 - no, there was no SuperExplosion to speak of this time - there was certainly a non-stop pounding of White Shin ass. The physical match saw TWS receive two yellow cards - both likely stemming from their frustration and sadness over being born without as much collective physical beauty as our clearly more fortunate side.

Leading the way for Team FunTime was Gerard, who notched his first two goals of the season. Current Golden Boot leader Paul Braff (of Castle Shitbags) failed to score, helping his team to a 3-nil defeat at the hands of Mayhem United (who?). Unfortunately, Amit thought he was playing for a different team on Sunday - a team that doesn't care if anyone scores and just plays "for the fun of it". This resulted in Amit missing a wonderful opportunity to claim the Golden Boot lead for the rightful ascendants to the NY Coed Soccer throne and finding himself tied with Dan for second place at 5 goals apiece.

His poor performance, along with Dan's virtual no-show (one goal? on a penalty shot?), our LLC's shaky performance, and Evan's existence made it clear that work needed to be done. We face our arch rivals, Castle Jizzrag, on Sunday and a performance like last week's will end in tragedy for both sides. That would clearly be unacceptable as we are in this for tragedy and despair on only one side of the field. To make sure that Sunday results in massive Greyskull-fucking, we engaged in a week of demanding and rigorous training to prepare, some of which you can view below.

SExGiFT 1 - NY Coed Soccer 0

Well, after week #1, the SExGiFT soccer team sits comfortably atop the NY Coed Soccer leaderboard. Sunday afternoon saw SExGiFT deliver a Super Explosion all over the faces of Free Agent Team 4, splooging from kick-off to final whistle, resulting in a 16-2 final score.

The team was paced by the right foot (and sexy brown skin) of Amit, who scored 5 goals. No one really understands how he scored so many goals - maybe it was because there was another brown man in the FAT4 goal and they had some weird mutual-back-scratching thing worked out. Amit, what did you have to give up for all those goals?

As our female LLC promised, they brought the goods all game long. In addition to pouring in 5 of the 16 goals, they thwarted numerous rape attempts on our goal, reiterating the notion that if rape is to occur on our field, we will be the rapists.

The day wasn't all SuperExplosionGiggleFunTime, however, as Alien 1, Castle Greyskull's Paul Braff, scored 6 goals to take a slight lead over Amit in the Golden Boot competition. Go look at the Castle Greyskull post from a few days ago. You'll notice Paul, easily identifiable by his completely Alien face. Oh, what's that? They all look like Aliens? Precisely.

I cannot wait to SuperExplode in their faces on January 21st at 5:15. Paul: you made a terrible, terrible mistake by scoring goals 4, 5, and 6 yesterday. Your fate is sealed. Make sure you bring a towel.

Castle Greyskull?

The SExGiFT Soccer Team has identified our competition, and our competition looks like this:



I don't think there's any chance that we won't destroy this group of aliens.

Castle Greyskull will become Castle Grey-skullfucked after we ram our collective SuperExplodingGiggleFunTime Cock through their eyes and into their brains. Causing massive hemmorhaging and relatively severe damage to the cortical-frontal lobe.

Our roster: loaded
Our talent: undeniable
Our cock: massive

SuperExplosionGiggleFunTime