SExGiFT 3 - NY Coed Soccer 1

Sunday, February 4th saw the SExGiFT soccer team play against some team with a stupid Dutch name. Because their name was so stupid, we here at SExGiFT thought it would be appropriate to defeat them so thoroughly as to effectively end their chances of getting laid in the future. Everyone knows that Dutch people are sort of weird looking anyway - believe me, I've talked to plenty of Germans and Italians about this* - so, to begin with, the fact that we're even talking about how a team with a stupid Dutch name could get laid at all is a little bit ridiculous. But whatever their chances were before playing us, well, they're lower now. Thanks, mostly, to our full-blown awesomeness. Not AIDS. Awesomeness. Mostly.

8-1 was the final. Many people scouring over the box score in the New York Times on Monday might have been led to believe that Dan's 4 goals led the SuperExplosion of GiggleFunTime all over this alien Dutch team. Many people would have been misled. The New York Times failed to articulate that the game was won by our female LLC (which now includes Evan - who played his best game of the season, by far - pulling passes out of his ass that even Zidane would have been proud of). We know that our collective physical beauty eclipses that of every other team combined**, but it's our LLC that really gives us the edge. Have you looked at them recently? They drip with SExGiFT passion! And fuck you up at the same time!

FC Mouthguard is up on next on the schedule. Not to talk shit about them or anything, but I'm pretty sure they're a bunch of assholes. I read about them on wikipedia....




* we all know that Germans and Italians have two of the more attractive populations in Europe....
** in fact, it would take 14 bowls of Castle Numbskull to equal just one bowl of SExGiFT