Goodbye, Miss American Trim-S[pie]

America is in mourning. No, not because the death toll of American soldiers killed in Iraq is now at 3,114 or even because floods are consuming Florida’s coast. It’s because our loveable and semi-retarded former Playboy Playmate and Trim-Spa spokesperson is dead. Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Which raises a question: Who will take her place? What sorry excuse for human life is ready to take over the throne which Anna Nicole had kept so warm these past 10 years? Is it Tara Reid? Perhaps it’s Tara Reid? Or maybe it's even Tara Reid.

Look, it’s not right to make fun of this poor woman’s death. After all, she may have been murdered. But her almost definite suicide is a testament to how cruel fame can be. She was lambasted in the news for being a fatty (which she was), a retard (which she was), white trash (which she was). But you gotta feel sorry for someone who was so tormented with her own demons that she lost her life because of them. Rest in peace, my slow-witted princess. I still would fuck you, even though you are dead.