Monday, January 29, 2007

SExGiFT 2 - NY Coed Soccer 1
(blood has been spilled...)

It has taken me a long time, too long, to post about what happened 10 days ago at Baruch College. The events that transpired on Sunday the 21st were both saddening and frightening.
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The SExGiFT soccer team, for those of you who don't already know, is the best team to ever play in the NY Coed Soccer league. Ever (did I say ever yet? Ever.) As is prone to happen to great teams, especially those great teams that have only been playing together for 3 games, we suffered a minor setback in our quest to dominate (in a sexual way) all those who take the field opposite our most blessed team.

Only this setback was no ordinary setback. We were defeated 1-0 by a group of aliens known by their Earthly name as Castle Crapskull. The lone goal was scored just a few minutes into the match by Alien #1, Paul Braff.

We were fortunate to have such a quality keeper in net as he thwarted, yet again, numerous rape attempts on our goal. NY Coed Soccer: our goal is beautiful, yes, and she has deliciously voluptuous breasts that feel wonderful in one's hands; we know this. However, she is not for you, and never will be - not now, not ever. And we defend her honor with the might conferred onto us by the good lord above. We are the Chosen. Yes, we are.

Following the game, we found ourselves in position unfamiliare: the losing end of a vicious battle. Fortunately, others have been in this cauldron of fear before and we draw strength from their experiences. We have seen them taste from the plate of sorrow, drink from the cup of misery, and suckle from the teat of disillusionment. And we have seen them grow more powerful, more dominant, and ever more handsome until their force was known by all.

Most notably, of course, I'm talking about Rocky Balboa. For, you see, children, the name of that film series is not Apollo Creed, is it? No, it's not! Apollo? He died in episode 4 - and you can't name a film series for a LOSER. Who is the film series named after? Rocky. Rocky Balboa. Virtuous, elegant, smashing. Rocky, though he lost his first bout with Apollo, eventually went on to dominate chicks left and right (as Talia Shire and her gaping "2" can attest). He became World Champion. But not before dining at the buffet of the broken.

We, too, have sampled from those sterno-heated platters - and, beware NY Coed Soccer League Winter 2007 Indoor Championship Division: we all have sort of fucked up stomachs and we will SuperExplode that buffet directly into your mouths. Beware.

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