Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Jennie Garth Sucked Dick for Coke

The other night I happened to be lucky enough to find myself hanging out with 4 girls watching an episode from the first season of Beverly Hills 90210.

Awesome.

So while the experience was entirely painful, I did manage to learn at least something: Kelly Taylor has lived through more pain and hardships than any other girl in the history of life.

Played on the show by Jennie Garth, Kelly had to face a tumultuous grab bag of tribulations. As pointed out by one of the fanatic girls guiding me through my first full episode of 90210, Kelly really had it fucking rough, yo--but she's an inspiration to women around the world because of it.

Check out this partial Wikipedia entry on Kelly Taylor:
Kelly was able to overcome many difficult issues and obstacles she faced. She dealt with a lot of hardships, including being date-raped, having rumors about her at school, using diet pills, being tricked into joining a cult, being able to quit the cult, being caught in a fire, becoming addicted to cocaine, being shot, getting amnesia, being raped, being in love triangles, having a difficult home life, her mother's divorces, choosing between her boyfriend and her best friend, choosing between her current boyfriend and a boy from her past, going to rehab, being stalked and almost killed by a patient from rehab, becoming unexpectantly pregnant and having a miscarriage, learning that she might not be able to have children because of a condition in her body. She was able to overcome these obstacles and become a better person because of them. She listens to other people's feelings and because of all the difficult times she went through, she is able to help others and become stronger because of it.
(The complete entry can be found here.)

Wow, what a fucked up existence that bitch led. Thankfully, I don't know anyone who was raped, stalked, shot, addicted to coke and diet pills, AND once a victim of amnesia--but if I did, I'd be happy for them that they can't remember any of that shit now. Who would have thought that jarring your brain from bashing your head on something could be a blessing in disguise?

Well, apparently 90210 wasn't merely an hour long television drama: it was a guide to dealing with all the trials and tribulations of American teenage life.

...and a guide on how to become a fucking cracked out whore.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha.

wonder who showed you that.

January 10, 2007 at 8:12 PM  
Anonymous dan said...

i'm glad someone understands this post....

January 11, 2007 at 12:10 PM  

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