Hungry? Have a toothbrush.

I have to write about this, for the sole reason that if you don't know about this disorder, you need to. Not in like a "hey, watch out for this one" way, but in a "holy shit are you fucking kidding?" way.

After whackin' it last night, I was channel surfing and stopped on one of those trauma-in-the-emergency-room shows. Yeah, I get into that shit. So they show a few car accident victims, some dude who got a nail stuck in his chest, and then the most amazing thing I've ever seen. A chick is rushed to the ER for...

...here it comes...

...seriously, brace yourself...

INGESTING THREE TOOTHBRUSHES. I shit you not, the crack addict looking woman ATE three toothbrushes. Now if that's not enough to render you blind from tears of laughter, it gets better - way better. The doctors tell her that they can't get a good shot of the toothbrushes (three. three fucking toothbrushes) with ultrasound. They have to put a tiny camera down her throat into her stomach. Here we go. She actually resists this alternative because the thought of swallowing a camera freaks her out. ???? Are you- ??? What???

After agreeing to the treatment, we're shown that there are, in fact, three motherfucking toothbrushes in her stomach. Three toothbrushes, guys. These bitches are like 6" long!!! She needs surgery pronto. And then, while laying on the gurney on deck for surgery, she reaches over to a table next to her, picks up a AA battery and...

...eats it. She puts the battery in her mouth and fucking swallows it. The doctors converse with one another:

"Um, she just ate a battery."
"What?"
Then they turn to her -
"Why did you do that??"
She responds, "Hahaha, sorry."

I was not high or drunk while watching this show, and I am not retarded. Turns out there's a disorder called Pica that is very rare in adults, but very prominent in children. From wikipedia, "Pica is an appetite for non-foods (e.g., coal, soil, chalk, paper, etc.) or an abnormal appetite for some things that may be considered foods, such as food ingredients (e.g., flour, raw potato, starch)." See the entire entry here. When I was young, I would eat raw red meat and occasionally some raw dough and flour. I guess, maybe, I had a J.V. form of Pica, but definitely not one as collegiate as trauma girl's.

Shit, I'm a pussy. Ima go eat a stapler.

b